Asalamu Alaikum!




Today marks a year since my grandfather passed. I went to see him last year to say my goodbyes and to accept the fact that he would be leaving us at any time. My grandfather was the greatest man I have ever come across and no man that I’ll meet will ever amount to his greatness. He was my father figure. I would often daydream of travelling back to Somalia to introduce him to my future husband. I imagined that he would have a conversation with my grandfather and realize that if he ever did me wrong, my grandfather would be there to set him straight. My grandfather was my hero.


Grandfather if you are listening I want to tell you:

– that I carry you in my heart wherever I go

– I pray for you more than I pray for myself. I hope you are admitted into Allah’s paradise. I pray that your grave is illuminated and I pray that I’ll see you in Jannah

– I have taken your advice and have been good to my mother. At times its hard, but I want you to know that I’m trying my best

– I hope that when I see you again, you and I can read your poems together and drink tea

– I hope that when Munkar and Nakeer question you in the grave, the Quran will be there with you.

– I hope that we haven’t disappointed you – I hope I haven’t disappointed you.


Here’s a dua for you grandfather:

O Allaah, my grandfather is under Your care and protection so protect him from the trial of the grave and torment of the Fire. Indeed You are faithful and truthful. Forgive and have mercy upon him, surely You are The Oft-Forgiving, The Most-Merciful


‘O Allaah, forgive and have mercy upon him, excuse him and pardon him, and make honorable his reception. Expand his entry, and cleanse him with water, snow, and ice, and purify him of sin as a white robe is purified of filth. Exchange his home for a better home, and his family for a better family, and his spouse for a better spouse. Admit him into the Garden, protect him from the punishment of the grave and the torment of the Fire.’


I miss you very much! My hero, Allahu naxiisto!


Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un (انّا للہ و انّا الیه راجعون)

Truly, to Allah we belong and truly to Him we shall return






Sometimes the best people you meet are the ones outside your family circle.

The ones who are in your family circle are the ones to shoot your dreams down, deflat your ballon of happiness and constantly remind you that they’re the ones you run back to when everything else fails.

I wish I could pick my family members – my ulcer wouldn’t flare up, magraines would subside and my brain would continue making happy hormones on the regular.

To say that my family stresses me is an understandment. I can’t leave them because I’m scared of the wrath of God (never sever the ties of your loved ones – a major sin, so I’ve been told).

So, how do I get them out of my life? I don’t know? They’re like leeches and moths combine – drain my energy and eat away at my soul. I’ve tried to make Dua but……let’s just see.

Rant over.


The Environment

“When the earth is shaken with a (violent) shaking,
And the earth reveals what burdens her,
And man says: What has befallen her?
On that day she shall tell her story….” (Qur’an 99:1-4) Surah Az-Zalzalah

Yesterday I was outside my aunt’s apartment building when I saw this minivan open its back doors and throw garbage – a cup of half-full pudding and an empty water bottle. The driver (the mom) was too busy yapping her mouth off, leaving her undisciplined child alone to litter. The littering wasn’t the only thing that pissed me off, but it was a muslim family. I know that it’s one’s moral obligation to keep the earth clean, but as muslim we have to enforce those moral codes. We can’t tell our children that they have to keep their minds, bodies and tongues clean but fail to advise them to keep the earth clean.

I rarely hear of Islamic environmental groups or an Islamic PETA. I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day and she mentioned that muslims hate animals – dogs to be exact. She was telling me about the story of the prostitute who gave a stray dog some water and she was promised by Allah that she’ll enter paradise.

(Hadith – Bukhari 4:538, Narrated Abu Huraira

Allah’s Apostle (SAW) said, “A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that.”)

My friend concluded by saying “what about all the non-muslims who care and love their dogs, are their sins forgiven?”

What if muslims were environmentalists and/or animal-lovers? I’m not suggesting that we should keep dogs as a pet, but we should adapt a friendly attitude towards animals. The same is said for the earth.

The aforementioned surah speaks about the day of judgement. The earth will be violently shook and we’ll ask what have we done in order for this violent shaking to occur? Then the earth will speak. Imagine what it would say? Imagine the atrocious acts that happen daily, the plundering of natural resources and our negligence?

Did you know that environmental degradation leads to a rise in farmer suicides? I’m not making this up! See, Raj Patel’s Stuffed & Starved. Furthermore, there are some parts in the world where farmers can’t produce crops on their land and suicide becomes their alternative. Now, imagine judgement day and what earth will say?

The ‘green’ movement can occur anywhere, importantly, it should start in this lady’s car. There has to be a change in the way we, all humans, view the environment – a dramatic mental shift. So, the next time you have the urge to litter and actually do – I pray a flock of birds shit on you.


I’ve been feeling a little depressed lately and I just can’t shake it off. It started when I moved to Toronto. I was moving back with my mother and the rest of the family. Also starting a new job with the government. This is exactly what I was waiting for – a great job in a great city.

Although everything seem to be dandy, there was this huge void I couldn’t fill. It was eating at me and I just sat there and witness my happiness wither away.

I have a family member that is just bad – I mean, a low-down dirty scoundrel. This time she has managed to dig her way to the pit of hell and the family are still throwing life jackets at her. She screws up – its ok. She breaks international law – its ok. She a terrible human in every sense of the word and….ITS OK!!! Why is it f’ing ok? Here I am working to be the best person I can be and not a single hand out. Not that I’m asking for such, but I don’t even get acknowledged. I think a portion of my sadness comes from doing so well in life i.e academically, socially and in a bunch of other areas and not having success in my family’s eyes. Why do life’s fcuk ups have it so damn easy? Listen family, I would like a high five once in a while damnit!

May be I’m suffering from my quarter-life crisis. You know when you’ve completed school and you’re meant to find a job…..not for some reason you feel like you don’t belong anywhere? I don’t know anymore.

I feel like this post is all over the place. MY MIND IS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

To make things worse…..I won’t be pursuing my Masters degree because I have to look after children while their parents fly out and rescue the scum I spoke of earlier. How fcuking insulting!

I feel like shit…..


Mind, be still!

I couldn’t control my mind while praying taraweeh tonight. My mind went everywhere and nowhere. I thought of all the things that I shouldn’t while praying. For example, the Imam and his beautiful voice and how he cries so beautifully when reading the Quran and dua’a. Oh, and he’s a beautiful man too – I’ve peaked behind the wall a few times (I’m shaking my head as I write this) – more on the beautiful Imam in a bit.

Right now people are eating zahuur and I can’t eat. Everything is spicy and I have a weak stomach. I’ve eaten two samosas and I can only imagine how my stomach is going to react during Fajr prayers. O_o

I need to learn how to tame my mind during prayer. I spat towards my left a million times – still had no control. The shaytan bothered me to the point where I was struggling to listen to the Al-Fatiha. SubhanAllah! I had to scratch my nose – there wasn’t an itch. I had to wipe the sweat off my brow – there was no sweat. I tried to focus on one thing but it started to form shapes – I’m talking about the dots on the carpet. I think you get the point. If I could say something to the shaytan, I would say: “Listen, interrupt me whenever you want but NOT when I’m before my Lord!” *angry face* Then, I would put the Shaytan in a headlock and choke it. I’m angry at myself more so than anything else. I let it get to me.

Now back to the beautiful Imam – I hope he’s single.

I have to go pray Fajr – be right back!


Broken Heart

Did you know that elephants can die of a broken heart?

I recently read a tweet that stated this bizarre fact. So, I decided to google it and I came across an article in the Guardian. The article is about a 72 year old Indian elephant named Damini. One day, another elephant was brought to the zoo and placed near Damini. The other elephant was younger and pregnant. Damini naturally started to care for the pregnant elephant. As soon as the elephant gave birth she was taken away from Damini. Upon losing her companion, Damini’s behaviour started to change – she wouldn’t eat, lost interest in her activities, stared into space, cried, and eventually laying on her side with her trunk curled up – she fell ill and died.

The loss of her companion eventually led to her death. The actions following the departure of the other elephant mimic actions displayed by humans at times of loss. Have you ever lost anyone – a family, friend or a lover? Do you remember that heart aching experience followed by strange mood swings? Another article in the  NYTimes states that humans can also die from a broken heart. The information taken from a 2005 New England Journal of Medicine “described 19 patients, mostly older women, who developed classic heart attack symptoms after suffering severe emotional stress”. In all the studies mentioned in the article, all conclude that sudden or dramatic loss can lead to cardiac arrest without the underlying signs of heart disease.

You’re probably wondering why I chose to write about this in my first blog. Well, the day I decided on starting my own blog was the day I visited a cemetery for the first time. I had recently lost a young family member and had never got around to going to his burial site. Upon entering the site I was told to say a little prayer (To Allah we belong and to Him is our return). I took a deep breath and repeated the prayer while I stood above his grave. While muttering the prayer -I started to sob. The light sobs turned into heavy crying. I felt pain at the pit of my stomach and my chest tightened. The flood of emotions gave my soul a grave awakening. Why was the mother so calm? She told me not to cry but instead pray for him. How can she NOT cry? Its her son! Then it hit me! She’s content with the loss. She has realized that he has returned to Allah. She hasn’t lost any weight nor has she experienced a change in her mood. Her spirit was as happy as ever.

What if everyone who has ever lost a loved one had more faith in God? Would the number of heart attack decrease? Maybe we all just need to occupy ourselves with something when someone passes. I think great loss doesn’t always have to come from physically losing someone – I think that a great love gone wrong has the same affect. Ever broke up with a long-term partner and felt strong chest pain? My friend, you might be experiencing cardiomyopathy or broken heart syndrome.

I would love to hear about how you have loved, lost and lived. Leave a comment or email me: